Two Quick Pieces Of Advice To Give To Someone New To Lifestyle Dating
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Posted:Jan 26, 2023 1:37 am
Last Updated:May 11, 2023 4:54 am 6094 Views
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First, go slow. The newness, excitement, and even the dept of arousal can make it very easy for someone new to find themselves waist-deep, or deeper, in a D/S relationship and unsure how things when this far this fast. When another truly cares deeply, they will respect the desire to proceed at a steady pace and will not rush to fully integrate the lifestyle into the partnership. Slow but steady will help you to “win” the relationship race.
At other times, people can be so thirsty for experiences that safety concerns are set aside putting them in vulnerable positions. While this is not something exclusive to those newer to the lifestyle, most often inexperience and thirst combine to create potentially dangerous situations. One person in five, within five years of exploring/entering the lifestyle, will have their consent violated according to the National Coalition For Sexual Freedom. So it is imperative to remember that your safety is your responsibility and no matter how much one needs a drink from the kinky well, each individual must minimize their risk.
~thelightkeepersjournal
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Profanity and Prose
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Posted:Jan 24, 2023 1:24 am
Last Updated:Mar 25, 2024 4:59 am 6665 Views
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“That smut. The way it slips from his mouth and under my skirt, soaking the hemline of my heart. From the gutter, my body begs; defile, defile, defile.”
— Profanity and Prose, Smut-Drunk.
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5
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Kneeling
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Posted:Jan 22, 2023 7:06 pm
Last Updated:Aug 14, 2023 12:53 am 6800 Views
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You know full well that when you kneel submissively you are indeed exercising a form of power over me. Without your submission, my Dominance is nothing but a desire unfulfilled. I know this. You know this. It is the role we play over and over again. Master and Muse. But who is really in charge? I am. Today. Because you empower me. Usually, the veil of submission is worn heavily and you play your part to perfection. But every once in a while the vanilla in you peeks out from behind that curtain. For a moment the actors step out of character and the magic is briefly revealed. Sometimes that look in your eyes, no longer cast down, says, “We both know what this is all about, we both know we want this. And God, I do love this play we perform together.”
Caption © For The Love of a Submissive
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22
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~Saturday Sway
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Posted:Jan 21, 2023 3:46 am
Last Updated:Jan 22, 2023 5:21 am 6982 Views
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* Deja Vu ~ CSN&Y ~ Deja Vu * Almost Cut My Hair ~ CSN&Y ~ Deja Vu * Legalize It ~ Peter Tosh ~ Peter Tosh * Superstar ~ Sonic Youth ~ If I Was A Carpenter * Monkey Man ~ The Rolling Stones~ Let It Bleed * Until The End Of The Word ~ U2~ Achtung Baby ~ * In The Waiting Line ~ Zero 7~ Simple Things * Motherland ~ Natalie Merchant ~ Motherland * Baby Can I Hold You ~ Tracy Chapman ~ Tracy Chapman * Let Go ~ Frou Frou ~ Details
Until The End Of The Word ~ U2
Haven't seen you in quite a while I was down the hold, just passing time. Last time we met it was a low-lit room We were as close together as a bride and groom. We ate the food, we drank the wine Everybody having a good time except you. You were talking about the end of the world.
I took the money, I spiked your drink You miss too much these days if you stop to think. You led me on with those innocent eyes And you know I love the element of surprise. In the garden, I was playing the tart I kissed your lips and broke your heart. You, you were acting like it was the end of the world.
In my dream, I was drowning my sorrows But my sorrows they'd learned to swim Surrounding me, going down on me Spilling over the brim Waves of regret and waves of joy. I reached out for the one I tried to destroy. You, you said you'd wait till the end of the world.
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Tales of Love, Lust & Loss
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Posted:Jan 21, 2023 12:26 am
Last Updated:Jan 23, 2023 4:46 am 6596 Views
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“Men thought she was arrogant, complex, and difficult to decipher. When all she wanted was a shoulder to lean on after tough days, and a hard cock to sit on when she needed a release. A firm hand marking her skin to remind her who she belonged to, and a comforting chest to fall asleep on afterward. Everything else in life she could handle on her own. Ultimately, she was a woman with basic needs and simple tastes. The right man knew there was absolutely nothing complicated about her.”
Copyright © Dirty Romantic - Tales of Love, Lust & Loss
*Archive
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14
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So...What Are You Into?
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Posted:Jan 19, 2023 4:09 am
Last Updated:Jan 20, 2023 11:19 pm 7651 Views
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It seems that the phrase “What are you into?” is one of the standard pickup lines used in the world of lifestyle dating. Now it is nowhere near as crass as some of the messages submissives receive but this one I know is used by both d-types and s-types. Not only is there that amazing line designed to find out if someone is kink compatible, but they're also sites out there where you can take a BDSM ‘quiz’ and in a hundred questions or less, the site will tell you what percentage dominant, submissive, switch, polyamorous, monogamous, sadist or masochist you are plus there are those old fashioned spreadsheets out there with just about every fetish known for a person to scroll through, pick if they are into, not into, curious about, how much they are into/not into, hard limits and I cannot forget a place for comments.
All of this makes me just want to facepalm because sadly many people in the lifestyle seem to have forgotten that finding a partner, a relationship, and dare I say, love, is still about people coming together, connecting as individuals, and having an attachment develop. Now I am not saying that kinks, fetishes, and lifestyle roles are not all parts of the process of lifestyle dating and relationships but every person is so much deeper than just “what they are into” and with this in mind, I want to share why I am not a fan of lifestyle quiz results or checklists:
I am not a sum of a list and there is so much more to me than words that name or describe activities that I enjoy.
The list leads to a spreadsheet mentality when getting to know someone new. People can look at my results, see that we match on 7 of the 10 things, and then assume there is a match made in kinky heaven. Unfortunately, relationships are not that easy. People cannot be matched up based on data, no matter how hard eHarmony markets its ‘scientific’ approach trying to convince everyone otherwise.
I believe the list causes people to want to talk about the kinky side of things too quickly. I have found that when two kinky people begin to get to know each other that when the time is right, the ‘kink’ will naturally make its way into the conversation. Adding the list can make it happen before it is naturally ready.
Some people say they would never be with a partner who would not do kink/sex activity X. I could never dismiss a possible partner because I wanted X and they wanted Z. If it is the right fit, both will discover the joys of each other rather than focus on specific acts. Intimacy is an amazing part of a relationship but I find people who insist on having a certain kink that this specific act is more important than a person. Which for me, is quite sad.
My kinks are ever-evolving and quite simply, I do not want to have to keep a list that will be out of date tomorrow and have ten new things to add in three days.
My mind is what drives me in the world of kink. This lifestyle is a very mental experience for me and the physical side of it is just icing on the cake.
Because things are mental for me, I am not about matching up kinks but matching up minds. When I find that connection, things that I might think of as a “must” become irrelevant and something I had not considered jumps to a must-have.
So often in the world of kink, it is very easy to get caught up in the fantasy or lust for specific activities however when we do that we lose sight of the most important part of it all. People and those we choose to invite into a relationship are much more significant than a list of kinks. This is why I believe it is time we set aside the lists, labels, and preset ideals, and return to investing in and getting to know people for who they are inside rather than the fetishes they admit to on the outside.
*Unknown
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Lowering The Boom
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Posted:Jan 17, 2023 1:14 am
Last Updated:Mar 11, 2023 5:58 am 8134 Views
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I believe that part of a dominant’s responsibilities in a lifestyle relationship is holding their partner accountable which is a crucial component of a D/S partnering, however, when accountability has to happen it is not fun. While it would be amazing if every dominant found their perfect submissive partner that never needed to have their course corrected but alas we are all humans and no matter how detailed we draw our charts, we will get blown off course requiring correction. With this in mind, I wanted to write about what I believe should happen when a dominant needs to bring their submissive back onto their charted path after being blown off course.
Since I am talking about lowering the boom today I want to start by saying while I believe in structure as well as accountability, I do not believe in punishment. Now, this is not an attempt to change minds but just give a bit of a better understanding of how I view things. Rather than punish, I believe that when needed a submissive should be corrected. Some may say I am just substituting one for another, I disagree. My wonderful friend Webster defines punishment as “to make someone suffer for a crime or for bad behavior” and correction as “the act of making something such as an error or a bad condition accurate or better”. A submissive needs to understand that they have made an error but together as a D/S couple, they will address it, fix what can be fixed, and then correct it so the next time life throws a similar curveball it will be hit out of the park rather than a strikeout.
I feel when a dominant must hold their submissive responsible, the first step in the process is a calm discussion of what happened because a submissive should never wonder why they are being corrected. The d-type must lead the conversation but make sure the submissive has a voice and that their voice is both listened to and heard. Leadership is so important because when a submissive is part of the conversation (not a dominant lecturing or talking at their submissive), it makes the correction effective. After all, the submissive will understand and buy into the process. The more effectively a d-type can correct, the deeper and more impactful the lesson will be learned.
The entire process of correction needs to be a safe place for the submissive with the only emotion allowed being love. Any negative emotions that the dominant might be carrying such as anger or frustration need to be set aside and if they cannot be readily put away the d-type needs to postpone the correcting until they can do that. It is never easy to lead a critical conversation that may upset your partner however in this lifestyle it is imperative that partners communicate effectively and the d-type makes the submissive feel safe during this. Making this process a safe space is so important because in the world we live in we will often spend time apart from our partners due to careers as well as the other demands of life. Additionally, I believe allows a submissive to more comfortably come forward to self-report miscues rather than hope their dominant does not discover them or struggle with guilt rather than coming forward. When a d-type has created a safe place for correction, it makes the process easier to begin, encourages communication, and builds a stronger bond between dominant and submissive.
No matter what the act of correction is (writing lines, standing in the corner, or another effective task), once it is completed the dominant has two last steps to take. The d-type needs to engage in self-reflection to discover what lessons they need to learn from the incident. Perhaps they need to tweak or enhance a guideline so their submissive has a clearer picture of expectations or find that lesson life plants in all of our experiences to continue their growth as their submissive’s leader. While this is the last step in my unique process, it is vitally important. There needs to be no coming back to the error, it must be let go of as though it is water under a bridge and the dominant must keep leading the relationship forward to what is next. There is no room in the inn for passive-aggressive dominance.
Thank you for taking a moment and reading my thoughts. I hope this gives a bit of an idea of why punishment is not for me however I will correct when needed and use the correction to make us better, stronger, and closer than before. An error on a submissive’s part should not be a reason to make them suffer punishment. I believe leadership is about leading submissives away from suffering and into safety, and I am a leader, not a punisher.
©TLK2020
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8
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Women
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Posted:Jan 16, 2023 5:00 pm
Last Updated:Jan 19, 2023 3:57 am 8188 Views
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I have come across many women in my lifetime. women with alluring eyes, and amazing smiles. women with lovely bodies, and endless curves. I have come across women from all walks of life, that have the exteriors of a goddess. but the women that always remain the most memorable to me, are the women with beautiful minds. the women who cause mind orgasms and stimulate every part of my soul. the women who have plenty of layers to their soul and get more beautiful as you unpeel the surface. the women you can have a conversation with about ideas, spirituality, and art at 3 o'clock in the morning. the women who can feed your soul effortlessly and share their energy unselfishly. the women who have stories to tell about love, heartache, and growth. the women with more to them than meets the eye. a beautiful face will keep me intrigued for a short time, but a beautiful mind will keep me intrigued forever.
— iambrillyant
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Connection
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Posted:Jan 16, 2023 3:47 am
Last Updated:Nov 19, 2023 8:10 am 7282 Views
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I ask you, what’s more, important than true connection? With it, we have the ability to cultivate a life with weight and girth. A beautifully robust life. Foster healthy relationships built upon trust, respect, kindness, and honesty, but only when we allow the most vulnerable selves to be seen. Open ourselves completely to the energy of another and give and receive without judgment. Trust and feel safe. Connection can be that which gets you through the rough patches, and the difficult conversations, and lift you up on days you feel less than yourself. Connection strengthens us. It makes us feel valued. Heard. Connection can also heal. Remind us we aren’t alone; there is nothing more powerful than when someone hears the song inside you.
“When we know ourselves to be connected to all others, acting compassionately is simply the natural thing to do.”
It is a modern irony that we live in a society that has so many ways to connect, so many ways to reach out, and yet we rarely put forth the effort to build connections. We talk, post, blog, and say nothing. Unfortunately, we’ve become increasingly more insular and cut off. Cyber recluses. Connections take effort. They take time. Connections are investments and need to be nurtured.
“Real relationships are the product of time spent, which is why so many of us have so few of them.”
Many things, you’ll discover in time, can be short-lived. Physical attraction, money and success, and the boxes and boxes of stuff we buy to fill our misunderstood needs. Connection can transcend all that. If you find someone that gets you; listens to your heart, your fears, your everything. Someone you can drop your armor with. Be you with. Sees your worth. Someone who shares with you a mental and even spiritual connection. Someone who stirs your soul and inspires you. That is when you will see the greatness of connection. That is when you’ll know true intimacy.
~daily-esprit-descalier
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