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On pain, choices, safewords .. and communications
Posted:Apr 19, 2018 4:54 am
Last Updated:Apr 19, 2018 4:56 am
251 Views
On pain, choices, safewords .. and communications

“Do you like pain?” I have been asked more than once here. Well, no I don’t. Not pain for pain’s sake. I'm not a masochist. And trust me, it is entirely possible to be a sub or slave without being a masochist.

But I know pain as a challenge, even as a tool. A tool to learn about myself and a tool to explore the limits of body and mind. That certainly rings true from my personal perspective as a dancer. I may even be familiar with pain as punishment.

But where does it stop? And in D/s, how do we draw the line?

“You will take whatever I give you because I will leave you no choice,” someone wrote about a D/s scene. Well, no. If I have chosen to submit and surrender to someone, then surely it is my choice.

Yet, it’s not quite that simple. Because someone might be pushed past the point where they would have chosen to go, where they can take it.

At the same time, they have chosen to give their partner the right to do what they are doing … I’m sure you get the point.

So what about this pain then. Well, here’s a personal analogy … in struggling to overcome serious injury, I’ve learned to listen to my body and to other people all over again. And to “shout red”, even if I don’t want to. Constantly.

Perhaps I want to persevere, to achieve an objective or indeed that of another, but that doesn’t make it the right decision. It may be my choice to push on, or someone else may believe i can keep going, but what if that causes irreparable damage? What is needed here is communications and complete honesty. And perhaps eventually admitting defeat.

If someone takes a whip or a belt to another person in the context of consensual BDSM, it is their choice, on both sides. But ensuring that no (unwanted) irreparable damage is done also requires an effort from both sides.

And a sub who tries too hard to please, and fails to communicate effectively can come to immeasurable harm. This is their responsibility too. The Dom needs to be able to trust that the signals he is getting are correct, that his sub is being open and honest and calls ‘red' when she needs to.

Likewise, the Dom who fails to listen, or misses the signals or indeed ignores them, can cause irreparable damage.

And then there are of course individual limits. No two people or relationships are the same. What is perfectly acceptable to one person may be well beyond the limits of another. Experience is the answer here.

Somewhere in all of this, someone needs to know exactly how far they can take the other, to stop before true limits are crossed before the damage is irreparable. And believe me, the damage can be immense, both in physical and emotional terms.

So this requires someone to know the other person very well and it takes a lot of time to get there. In D/s there are safe words until that stage is reached and until a stage is reached where perhaps a safe word is no longer needed or wanted. [see note]

Using a safe word helps the sub ensure that no irreparable harm is done, either physically or emotionally, and tells the Dom whether his sub is still able to handle what he’s doing. They serve a very important purpose for both sides.

Likewise, a sub and a Dom communicating in other ways how certain things make them feel. Whether during the 'scene’ itself or after the fact, or during a time-out moment. After all, exploring D/s can sometimes be like learning to listen to our bodies and ourselves and each other all over again on a much deeper level.

And listening and observing and responding and taking into account the results of those communications is essential to learning to trust each other. On both sides.

Let’s not forget that we’re not just talking about physical damage. The emotional devastation of trust and/or communications breaking down in these connections is more often than not also a kind of pain that cannot be put into words.

.

Please note: There are relationships in the realm of D/s where safe words may be abandoned by mutual consent or are in fact no longer necessary. But no-one should ever be forced or coerced into giving up their right to a safe word.

Just my 2c, I speak only for myself. Other views and flavours are available.

©words: cat / be-pleasing-always
2 Comments
How a Submissive Leads
Posted:Apr 18, 2018 4:35 am
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2018 12:12 pm
1149 Views
How a Submissive Leads

A good submissive is often a wonderful leader. It may seem paradoxical. After all, aren’t submissives supposed to follow? The caricature of submissives is a little mouse, quiet except for “yes, Sir” and “thank you, Sir.” But submissives lead in a great many ways.

Submissives lead by example. They lead by showing up every day and honoring their commitment to the dynamic. They lead by showing their Dominant that obedience and service are for always, not just when it’s easy. It takes a lot of strength to kneel when you are tired when you are emotionally struggling when your confidence is shaken. It is easier to withdraw or to take back control, rather than trusting someone else with it. When submissives choose their submission over and over again, this shows faith in a vision for what the dynamic should be. It shows courage and resolves. And with this leadership, submissives inspire leadership in their Dominants with their unrelenting need to follow.

Submissives lead by providing their Dominants opportunities to lead. Sometimes submissives sense that their Dominants need a reminder that they hold the leash. When they are stressed or feeling unsure, sometimes they need to feel their partners’ submission. That connection sustains both sides of the slash. Submissives lead by recognizing when their Dominant needs to connect through power exchange and offering an opportunity to lead. They ask permission. They ask their Dominant to choose for them. They kneel with their Dominant’s favorite implement in hand. But it is up to the submissive sometimes to see the need and act on it.

Submissives lead by helping their Dominants understand their needs. This is not topping from the bottom; it is giving Dominants all the information they need to care for their property. Imagine the Dominant is blindfolded, walking a path with their submissive. The Dominant knows where they want to go. They know if they head directly west, they will reach the perfect little town. But the submissive can see that heading directly west will send them through swamps and rocky terrain. The submissive leads by being the Dominant’s eyes—explaining the obstacles and allowing the Dominant to find a different course that will reach the destination. This is not the same as telling the Dominant where to go, just as sharing your needs is not topping from the bottom.

Once in a D/s relationship, I was struggling with a lack of spankings. I tried telling him I needed a spanking. He’d nod, and then the next time, he’d throw me down and treat me roughly. He made sure I felt owned. But I still needed a spanking. Finally, I laid it out for him. “When I say I need a spanking, I don’t mean I need kink. I don’t mean that we’ve gone too vanilla. I don’t mean that I need you to hurt me. I mean that I need a spanking, and nothing else will do.” This felt decidedly unsubmissive to me. But through his response, I realized that this kind of guidance was the most submissive thing I could do. I showed him how to lead us. Without my leadership, he could not lead.

Submissives lead by serving as a beacon of light. As a submissive, I light the path, and my Dominant leads us down it. I do not decide. But I may shine a light on a decision to be made, so my Dominant can decide. Without a submissive’s leadership, their Dominant is just wandering in the dark. It’s not just that submissives do lead; it’s that they must lead at times for the dynamic to be successful.

“If my Master is lost, I’ll find him. I’ll lead him back to himself because to serve doesn’t always mean to follow.”

―Joey W. Hill
1 comment
Nothing
Posted:Apr 17, 2018 4:53 am
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2018 9:33 pm
1665 Views
Nothing

There are times when D/s may seem an action-packed affair, filled with sex and sensation, blow jobs and spanking, kinky toys, you name it. And to be sure these are the kind of things people will associate with the dynamic. These are the ‘games’ many crave.

A sub may long to be tied, flogged, shackled, used and degraded and fucked senseless while hanging upside down from the rafters. And then there is this rampant male libido just aching to be satisfied. This Dom who needs to wave his whip around and make use of his submissive’s services in every imaginable way, around the clock.

No matter how hard we try we cannot keep that up 24/7. And it is not what defines a Dom and a sub. There is so much more. And if we are willing to let it, beautiful things can happen by doing absolutely nothing.

Imagine if you will how he lays her down, naked, no restraints, no distractions, nothing but a blank ceiling to stare at. His beautiful work of art. Sits down out of her line of sight and takes her in. Watches listens to her breathing, watches her chest rise and fall. She breathes, eventually stops waiting for something even, slowly her mind goes blank, there is nothing to do, no words, no sounds, there is nothing.

But he is there. And his eyes on her skin, traveling up and down her body, she feels it as a gentle caress perhaps, touching toes and fingers, inch after inch of her skin, touched by nothing but his gaze. His gaze is causing the goosebumps to appear as it travels along her thighs, takes in her belly, her breasts move with her breathing. Perhaps moving a little more rapidly now she feels his eyes cover, claim, possess every inch of her, slowly, but so very sure. She may feel her spine extend in his direction, or a tug at the base, pulled down, grounding her almost. Of course it his mind that makes these things happen, the imperceptible shift in her hips, the way her nipples react to the caress of his gaze, his mind, his will taking possession of every inch of her body. And her mind.

She has let him in and he has taken over. He owns her, all of her holds her in the palm of his proverbial hand. Her every breath and movement are his. And she may even find it hard to move unless he says so. And yet, they have done, are doing nothing. There is no magic here, no tricks. Nothing except a deep connection, a beautiful form, and feeling of domination and submission. By 'doing’ absolutely nothing. This is the power of the mind, his will. It is the strongest tool a Dom has. This is complete control and complete surrender.

And all by doing 'nothing’.



~M. / Her Liege
4 Comments
Playing with Fire...
Posted:Apr 16, 2018 4:04 am
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2018 8:46 am
2013 Views
Playing with Fire...

“You’re playing with fire, baby,” he growled in my ear.

I smiled against his cheek and wiggled my ass back against his cock, which twitched as his fingers dug into my hip, rewarding my attempts at seduction with his own teasing.

“So is this the wrong time to tell you I’m not wearing panties?” I giggled.

He spun me around so fast it made me dizzy, his eyes wide and dark as he crowded me back against the wall. His hands planted on the wall on either side of my face, his thumbs stroking my cheek, the curve of my throat.

One hand skimmed down the curves of my body, breast to hip, before grabbing a handful of the sequinned dress I wore to the party earlier and tugging it up around my waist. My pussy glistened between my thighs, framed by the thin black garters holding up my stockings.

I looked up at him hesitantly, bit my lip. Would he punish me for being a wanton, wicked dirty girl? He frowned. I was going to be in so, so much trouble.

“You look….edible, pet. And I’m starving.” He licked his lips, slowly, deliberately. Watched me with those hot eyes while his meaning sank in. And then he growled, low in his throat.

So I raised up on tiptoe and bit his lip. And ducked under his arm and ran for the door, as if a few feet of distance would keep me safe from the flash of retribution I saw in his eyes.

His hands tangled in my hair as I reached for the door handle, yanked me back against his unyielding body. He slid an arm around my waist, anchoring me against him as he rubbed his straining cock against the bare skin of my ass.

“Oh pretty little pet,” he rumbled in my ear. “You know what happens when I have to chase you down.” He picked me up as if I were tiny and delicate and tossed me on the bed like a doll, his hands pinning me down before I could do more than attempt to squirm away.

He held me down with the weight of his body and ravaged my mouth while he pulled his belt free of his pants, unfastening them and pushing them hastily down his hips. The belt he wrapped around my wrists, leaving the end dangling like a leash.

“I’d tell you to be a good girl and take your fucking like you deserve,” he whispered. “But I think you know that’s not what I want. It’s not what you want.”

I squirmed desperately beneath the weight of his body pressing me into the bed. I tried to pull my hands-free and, when he controlled that movement a little too easily, I nipped his shoulder. Not hard enough to hurt, just enough to bring that wild light back into his eyes.

“Yes,” he hissed. “Struggle. Resist. Fight all you like, pet.” He hovered over me, lips just brushing mine. “But you are mine, and I’m going to fuck you.” He pushed inside me then, my pussy wet and burning for him, the force of his thrusts ripping gasps from my lips. “Until I’m through with you.”

I arched up, not sure if I was pushing him away or begging for more. Either way, he gave it to me, fucking the breath from me, until my nails dug into my own skin and my body exploded in pleasure. Only when I was limp and shaking beneath him and begging him to cum inside me did he tear his mouth away from my throat long enough to growl, “Not yet. Not nearly. Not tonight.”

fireflyflashes~
5 Comments
Something to ponder....
Posted:Apr 15, 2018 3:16 am
Last Updated:Apr 15, 2018 1:59 pm
3099 Views
Something to ponder....

The city is making you hungry and lonely and restless. And life is short. And shorter here, it seems......... So, here you are.............................. About you................................................you are a" thinking Dom's sub"

In fact, very few men inspire submission in. you are smart. you are instinctual. you are kind. you are petulant. you are confident. you are insecure. you are capable. you are sensual.
Really. you are intuitive. you are cute. you are sexy. you are imperfect. you have a good sense of style.

you are creative.

you are honest. you are genuine.

Sometimes you like kissing girls.

you are usually restless. you try hard. you procrastinate.

you make a good living.

you are lucky. you would giggle if you were made to call someone, "my Lord".

you are all for "Sir".

you are well read.

you watch too much TV.

you have good manners

and perfect penmanship

you love the "edge' you are willing. you are grinning right now.

you are nasty and graceful.

And ready to look into what else you may be.

I think it's safe to say most Doms would not be disappointed.......... A little about Me. .................................................. I am brilliant

I have that Alpha thing going. I am honest. I am intuitive. I am funny. I am focused. I am strong. Very strong. I am genuine. I have integrity. And the strength of character. And talent. I am good at this. I know how to handle you. I will know when you are trying to control the situation and I won't allow it. I am smarter than you. More intuitive than you are. you won't know what to expect next. you won't be able to write the script. I know a woman's body well. I know "Gor" is a make-believe place. I don't write "W/we". I am tall. I am charismatic. I am irreverent. I don't wear cheap things. I am in control. I am perceptive. I am creative. I am sexy. I am stern. I am gentle. I know the difference between "your" and "you're". I love what I do for a living. I am single. I have passion. I enjoy a woman giving herself over to me in a very deep way. It's my nature. .............................................. What you want.........................................................you and I want the stillness and quiet mind that comes when you give up. I want the pleasure that comes when you please. you want me to know it is no "gift" you give. you are doing what you need to. It is no "gift". you want easy silence. And we want easy laughter. you want the loss of control. you want to go past or over or beyond what you imagine the edge to be. you want to feel safe with someone taking you there. you want to trust that someone will bring you back. you want to learn. you want to be pushed. you want to be challenged. you want to be wanted. you want the freedom that comes with complete surrender and submission. you want your submission and surrender to be absolutely genuine and real. you want to respect me. I will make you nervous. Few do. you want to be played with. you want to be used. you want to be bound. you want to give what I want. Or you want me to take it if that's what I want. you want to be completely uninhibited and you want to feel what that's like. you want to be accepted after that. you want that small smile to cross your lips the next day when you think of what happened the night before. you want that heat that comes from your passion and surrender and my passion and control. you want to be devoured and ripped apart. And seen. And then you want to want to stay. And you want to stay looking at the person who did it. Then you might want pancakes. you want the chemistry And you want the real deal. And you want the truth
5 Comments
I want to marry the darkest parts of you.
Posted:Apr 14, 2018 3:14 am
Last Updated:Apr 15, 2018 3:26 am
4838 Views
I want to marry the darkest parts of you.

I want the darkness in me to kiss the darkness inside of you so it can sleep soundly within both of us. I want the light inside of you to dance with the light inside of me. We’ll call it a cha cha.

I want to not be in love with pieces of you but to be in love with every.single.piece. You are loved beyond measure.

even on the days when the darkness inside of me burns so brightly, I can’t dance, I want you to know your light is the only light I see. Your light illuminates me.

— Sydnie Belmont
4 Comments
Can you trust him?
Posted:Apr 12, 2018 4:40 am
Last Updated:Apr 15, 2018 12:13 pm
9029 Views
Can you trust him?

She asks, the cigarette dangling from her fingers. Can you tell him anything without feeling judged? Can you call him and know he’ll answer, or call back as soon as he can? If you’re hurt, and I mean really hurt, will he drop everything and get to you as soon as he can? Will he be there for you when someone you love dies? Will he look after you if you’re sick? Will he hold your hair back after too many tequilas? Will he be there? Does he try to see you, even if he has work early or a busy week? She holds my gaze as she brings the cigarette to her berry lips. If the answer is no to any of those things, maybe he’s not the one?
5 Comments
My naughty little fantasy continued…
Posted:Apr 10, 2018 9:58 pm
Last Updated:Apr 12, 2018 1:26 am
12091 Views
My naughty little fantasy continued…

He kissed me, with the taste of his come still lingering in my mouth, his tongue invading, demanding, taking. I was dizzy with lust, drunk on it. He was every filthy thing I’d dreamed of behind my good girl facade.

He picked me up and carried me out of the stall, sitting me on the counter between two sinks. My legs instinctively wrapped around his hips, pulling him close so I could grind the aching wetness of my pussy against his slowly stiffening cock.

“The door,” I whispered and he nodded. He found a triangular rubber doorstop and shoved it under the door, preventing anyone outside the bathroom from opening it. When he came back to me, his smile was wicked.

“All mine,” he said. He kissed me again, cupping my face between his palms for leverage. He slid one hand down my cheek, following the line of my throat down to my breast. He palmed it, pinching my nipple between his thumb and forefinger, watching my face as he increased the pressure until the pain shot through my body, making me arch against him and gasp my pleasure into his mouth. He liked that, because he repeated the process with my other breast, finding just the right amount of pressure to make me squirm.

“Please,” I begged softly, unable to look away from the intensity in his eyes. I wasn’t even certain what I was begging for, I just knew that I wanted more - more pain, more pleasure, more…him. He obliged by pushing his hand between my thighs, finding my silky panties already dripping wet. He didn’t bother to remove them, just pushed them aside enough to slide two fingers roughly into my slick folds, his thumb rubbing against my clit as he teased me, watching my face for that moment when pleasure ripped a moan from my throat and made my eyelids flutter.

“That’s it,” he murmured against my ear, giving it a little bite. “Come all over my fingers, you dirty little slut.”

I was, and I knew it. He knew it, too, from the way his words made my pussy clamp down on his fingers. He growled against my throat, trailing little nips and wet, hot kisses along my neck. I could feel his cock, hot and hard, rubbing against the inside of my thigh. “Yes,” I said breathlessly. “Yes, yes, please, yes.”

His smile was wicked. “Beg me for it, then. Beg me to make you come right here, right now.”

The words just fell out of my mouth, without thinking. “Please, please, make me come, let me come for you, please I need it, I want you, please, please, please…”

“Sir.”

I nodded. “Please, Sir, please…oh god, please, let me come.”

“I like the way you beg,” he said. He kissed me again and his fingers were demanding, taking me higher and higher, closer to that perilous edge of orgasm - and despite the fact that he wasn’t mine, obedience had been too well trained into me, and however badly I wanted to come, orgasm hovered just out of reach, and I moaned.

“Please,” I whispered. He knew exactly what he was doing to me. My nipples were hard little points, scraping against the front of his dress shirt. He flicked his thumb over my clit, once, twice, watching my body arch up off the counter with each movement.

After what seemed like forever, he leaned in as if to kiss me and whispered against my lips, “Come.” His thumb rubbed me, over and over, and the orgasm that hovered so close crashed through me like a cannonade of fireworks. His mouth covered mine, drinking in my cries as he pinned my writhing body between his and the mirror.

When I came back to myself, he slowly pulled his fingers from my pussy, glistening with my juices. He licked them himself, pronounced me delicious and the held his fingers to my mouth. “You know what to do, don’t you?” he asked. “Be a good little slut and clean me up.”

I sucked his fingers in my mouth like they were his cock, licking every inch clean with little flicks of my tongue before sucking strongly. He slid his fingers in and out of my mouth a couple of times, before pulling away with a groan. He leaned in and pressed his forehead against mine. “I want to fuck you,” he said. “God, I want to fuck you. Right here and now. Tell me no. Tell me you don’t want me to. It’s the only way you’re going to walk out of here tonight without my come dripping down your thighs.”

His eyes were serious, and I pushed my hand against his chest, feeling the warmth of his skin under the smoothness of his shirt. I knew I should say no. If I was a good girl, I’d say no. But tonight, I was tired of being good.

I looked up, meeting his green eyes with my blue ones. “Yes,” I said. “I want you to fuck me.” His eyes widened. “Please,” I added softly. “Sir.”

A look flashed over his face - tenderness, lust, possession, need - and he kissed me again. This time it wasn’t careful, sweet, or passionate. It was demanding, brutal. He took my mouth like he was starving for a taste of me. I wondered if he could taste a hint of my pussy lingering on my lips.

“Turn around,” he insisted, picking me up again and setting me on my feet. He spun me around until I faced the mirror, my hands braced on the counter. He pushed my skirt up higher, baring my ass to him completely, save for the fragile silk of my underwear. That he ripped apart, tugging until the thin elastic straps on either side broke and my wet pussy was open to him.

I watched in the mirror as he rubbed the head of his cock against the entrance of my pussy, teasing us with the promise of that first thrust inside. “I love how fucking wet you are,” he groaned. “So hot and wet just for me.”

“Mmmm, yes,” I agreed distracted by what he was doing.

He grabbed a handful of my long hair and pulled, tipping my head back so that our eyes met in the mirror. “I’m not going to be nice,” he warned. “I’m gonna fuck you hard and rough, as much as you can take.”

“Yes,” I begged again. “Please, yes. Just fucking take me already.”

“Yes,” he growled. “Take me.”

He slammed himself inside me in one hard, deep thrust. The edge of the counter pressed against my clit and he held me there, one hand on my hip and the other in my hair, as he fucked me with all the pent-up lust we’d generated between us. It wasn’t nice and it wasn’t gentle - it was raw and rough and demanding - and I loved it.

I know he could feel from the tightness of my body that he was working me quickly to another orgasm, because he groaned when I squeezed him and his hand pulled my hair back harder, making me lift my head to meet his eyes again.

"Don’t you dare fucking come unless I say so,” he told me, giving my curls a tug. “If you want to come, you know what to, slut.” I moaned. “Beg.”

"Please,” I mumbled, not thinking clearly. Every filthy word he said turned me on that much more, because it was as if he’d been reading my mind, knew exactly what buttons to push to ratchet the pleasure up even higher. He leaned over and put his palms on either side of mine on the counter so that he could grind his cock into me slower, harder, deeper.

“You like that, don’t you?” he asked. “You like it when I call you a dirty little slut because that’s what you are, isn’t it? Behind all that polished professional appearance, you’re just a horny, filthy, needy little fucktoy, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” I mumbled again, lost in his words.

“What was that?” he asked, pulling my head up by my hair again. “I can’t hear you, slut. Louder. Say it.”

“I’m a slut.”

“Still can’t hear you.”

“I’m a slut!”

“More.”

“I’m a dirty, filthy slut. A needy little hole for you to fuck. Please!”

"Please what?” he asked archly.

“Please let me come,” I begged, beyond caring who might be outside the restroom door. “Please, Sir, please, let me come.”

He watched the struggle on my face while he fucked me, grinding my pussy against the edge of the counter until I thought I was going to scream.

"Do it,” he said urgently. “Come for me. Now!”

He leaned up and fucked me harder, faster, and my orgasm boiled over and I had to stifle my scream against my hand. He thrust into me twice more, groaning with effort as he came, filling me with scalding splashes. The weight of his body held me against the counter when my knees might have given way, and he pressed a kiss to my temple before he stood up.

“That was fucking incredible,” he said, flashing me that devilish smile. “Promise me you won’t make me wait until next month’s meeting before we can do that again.”

fireflyflashes~
4 Comments
Being Safe...
Posted:Apr 10, 2018 5:20 am
Last Updated:Apr 11, 2018 12:53 am
13485 Views
Being Safe ...

Hey, look at me,” he whispered down to her, a gentle hand taking hold of her chin to turn her gaze toward him. “I love you, okay? You are safe and nothing bad is going to happen to you. I use you because I want to keep you. Remember that, sweetheart. Now, be a good girl and do as you’re told.”

“Yes, Master.” She was all smiles, a sigh escaping her throat. She sniffed back some of the tears that had escaped her. Despite how much she loved every moment she spent with her Owner, sometimes things grew to be overwhelming. He always knew when to rein things back in and remind her that she’s safe with someone she loves.

After a sweet caress to her cheek, she felt his hands roaming her bare skin and the familiar shiver of anticipation ran through her body.

“What would you like me to do to you, pet?” His voice was back to that sullen dark tone that told her he was hungry. She felt herself dripping all over again, ready for him to claim what was his.

“Please, use me, Master. Do whatever you’d like.”

“That’s my good girl.”

geekydominant~
3 Comments
forever...
Posted:Apr 9, 2018 4:02 am
Last Updated:Apr 14, 2018 3:31 am
15446 Views
forever...

I want to talk with you forever. I remember every word you’ve ever said to me. If only I could visit you as a foreigner goes into a new country, learn the language of you, wander past all borders into every private and secret place, I would stay forever. I would become a citizen of you. You would say it’s too soon to feel this way. You would ask how I could be so certain. But some things can’t be measured by time. Ask me an hour from now. Ask me a month from now. A year, ten years, a lifetime. The way I love you will outlast every calendar, clock, and every toll of every bell that will ever be cast.
3 Comments

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