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Whipping Post...
Posted:May 27, 2017 2:10 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2017 2:13 pm
4 Views
Whipping Post...

I've been run down and I've been lied to.
And I don't know why, I let that mean woman make me a fool.
She took all my money, wrecks my new car.
Now she's with one of my good time buddies,
They're drinkin in some cross-town bar.

Sometimes I feel, sometimes I feel,
Like I been tied to the whippin' post.
Tied to the whippin' post, tied to the whippin' post.
Good Lord, I feel like I'm dyin'.

My friends tell me, that I've been such a fool.
But I had to stand by and take it baby, all for lovin' you.
Drown myself in sorrow as I look at what you've done.
But nothing seemed to change, the bad times stayed the same,
And I can't run.

Sometimes I feel, sometimes I feel,
Like I been tied to the whippin' post.
Tied to the whippin' post, tied to the whippin' post.
Good Lord, I feel like I'm dyin'.

Sometimes I feel, sometimes I feel,
Like I been tied to the whippin' post.
Tied to the whippin' post, tied to the whippin' post.
Good Lord, I feel like I'm dyin'.

Written by Gregg L. Allman •
R.I.P.
1 comment
Storms...
Posted:May 27, 2017 5:51 am
Last Updated:May 27, 2017 1:06 pm
157 Views
Storms...

Do not fall in love with people like me. I will take you to museums, and parks, and monuments, and kiss you in every beautiful place, so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth. I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave you will finally understand, why storms are named after people.

— Caitlyn Siehl
9 Comments
Twenty things I’ve learned in Twenty Years...
Posted:May 27, 2017 3:32 am
Last Updated:May 27, 2017 1:58 pm
186 Views
Twenty things I’ve learned in Twenty Years...

1. Life will break you down until you’re crawling on your hands and knees until you feel like you are Atlas holding the world upon your shoulders until you feel like the raging inferno inside of your chest is going to combust. These are the moments that will force you in a fire and make you more unbreakable than diamonds.

2. We are made of stardust, at least that’s what they say. I remember someone told me that every atom in my body once belonged to a star that exploded. At night I stare at my hands and wonder when I will erupt. I know now that I cannot trust anyone else to keep me whole in the darkest hours of the night but my own two star-infused arms.

3. You will fall in love, and that is okay. Sometimes we need to fall in love to remember that it is good out there. Fall in love with the boy who opens the door for you, fall in love with your boss who works too hard, fall in love with the woman who hands out roses on that one street corner, fall in love with yourself.

4. They weren’t lying when they said we accept the love we think we deserve. I grew up being told I was a mistake and so I adopted the idea that no one could ever love a mistake. I was wrong (they were wrong) and now it’s up to me to prove them wrong. Don’t believe the things they said, you are so much more than the toxins they tried to poison you with.

5. Close your eyes, count to ten, and open them again. You are not alone. I know it may feel like you are the only one, but believe me when I say that you aren’t. I was where you are, and now I have talked to more people that have been through much worse than I than I would like to admit to. You are never alone, not really.

6. Music can save. Play it as loud as you can with the windows down as you drive (probably a little too fast). Play it while you are at work and while you are in the shower and play it when you want to give up in the middle of the day and when you want to give up in the middle of the night. Just play the music that tugs at your heartstrings, it may save you.

7. Nothing in life is easy, not really. You will catch a few breaks here and there, but the rest of the time you will find yourself fighting tooth and nail to make it back to the top. Don’t give up, I almost did this year and if I had I wouldn’t be able to witness what the sun looks like shining in her eyes.

8. You will have scars, and that’s fine. We all have them but it’s up to you if you want to hide them or show your battle wounds to the world so they know how strong of a warrior you are, so they know not to fuck with you.

9. Watch the sunrise, and watch the sunset. There is something about the sun that screams life; let the light bleed into you and consume you until you shine with it. Sometimes it’s the simple things we are missing in life that we need the most.

10. They will say they love you and then they will turn around and break your heart. You cannot compare your life’s worth to the empty spaces that were once filled around you. People will leave (willing or not) and life will go on. Let life go on.

11. If you are under the impression you are broken, then it is up to you to decide if you are or not. It took me years to admit that I was never quite whole, but when I did it was the most freeing feeling ever. Brokenness does not take away from perfection, and you are the very definition of perfect.

12. It’s okay to let people in, you don’t need to cage yourself away from the rest of the world, don’t forget to live your life while you pursue safeness.

13. Hobbies will save you when all else fails you, find a hobby and stick to it. When the world feels all too loud, a hobby can make you go deaf.

14. The moment you realize Wonder Woman or any other superhero you idolized as a child is not going to swoop down and save you is when your life changes. You have to be your own hero in this world. Stop waiting for someone to save you and go save yourself.

15. They are gone, she took her own life and he died in a car crash and she died from cancer and he left. You cannot live your life counting how many people that held a piece of your heart vanished, I’m not saying to forget about them I’m just saying that it’s okay to say goodbye.

16. It’s okay to cry; cry in the shower and in bed and in your car, being sad is okay as long as you don’t let it consume you.

17. Smile as much as you can even on the bad days.

18. For God’s sake, don’t let them ruin you. You are so strong, you’ve made it this far and that means you can make it another day. If you can get through today you can get through tomorrow and every day that follows. If you feel like you can’t get through the day then sit down and don’t move until the light is peeking in through your window.

19. Never say never. If you think you can’t do something try anyway, this is your life, you are the main character of your own story, but you are also the author of your story. Write it however you want, but don’t give up halfway through.

20. Just don’t take your life. While this is something I learned this year I’m also writing this as a reminder to myself and to you. Don’t do it, please. There can be more to life than what you are feeling right now, don’t rob yourself of the beauty of this world. Don’t give up, no matter how much it hurts.

~ALightLitInTheDark
5 Comments
Remember to be Happy...(More Poetry)
Posted:May 26, 2017 9:27 am
Last Updated:May 27, 2017 3:39 am
464 Views
Remember to be Happy...(More Poetry)

Forget about people's opinions. Be happy, be healthy, love yourself better, speak less, do more, feed your imagination, nourish your curiosity, travel to the places you’ve been meaning to go, embrace your insecurities, and stay calm and focused. Let your soul recover from those people who never felt anything for you and breathe again. In good time, you will be more than okay. Just wait for it to come, keep the hope alive and never let it fade.
6 Comments
Because I Have You....(Poetry)
Posted:May 26, 2017 8:12 am
Last Updated:May 26, 2017 9:55 am
478 Views
Because I Have You...(Poetry)

In my life, I have faced abuse of every kind, broken bones that have never healed, nightmares that never leave me alone, infinite pain, heartache at the hands of those who did not deserve my love, been fired from jobs I loved more than anything and worked hard for. But on the flip side of all that, I have you. And the scales are ever tipped in my favor because I have you.

~Nikita Gill
2 Comments
The Long Distance D/s Relationship
Posted:May 26, 2017 7:35 am
Last Updated:May 26, 2017 3:29 pm
503 Views
The Long Distance D/s Relationship

I’ve been asked many times to give my opinion or offer advice on how to negotiate a long distance Dominant/submissive relationship. I’ve been reluctant to write this piece because I’ve never been in one. However, based on the volume of LDR-related questions I receive, I thought it was worthwhile to compose this.

Is this what I want?

I want you to ask yourself this question: Why do I want to be in an LDR? I don’t have a quippy, canned response; but LDRs come with far more challenges than short-distance relationships, so it follows that you ought to be very clear why you’re choosing into an LDR.

When you choose an LDR, you are choosing OUT of a close-distance possibility. You may not be aware of the possibility, but you’re closing the door on it. You’re choosing to occupy your energy, attention and focus on someone else. You’re going to miss out on other opportunities.

Ask yourself how important physical touch is to you. Technology is amazing, but you can send text messages every five minutes and Skype every night and still not ever touch the person you love. Is that really what you want?

If, after reading all of that, you’re still 100% committed to driving down this road, read on.

I’m writing these tips from the Dominant perspective, so if you’re a submissive, I suggest you share this article with your partner. My tips for negotiating a long-distance, D/s relationship are all based on structure and accountability – not that different than my advice for a close-distance relationship.

How Do I Structure My Relationship?

1 .Create Boundaries and expectations. Will you see other people IRL? Online? Be clear and explicit, or feelings will be hurt.

2. Create scheduled check-in times. I recommend three levels: text, phone, and Skype. During a work day, I recommend a minimum of 3 text check-ins and one phone check in. For example, I would expect my girl to text me 3 times during the day, once before 10 AM, once before Noon, and once before 4 PM. One of the check-ins must be a picture of herself. The phone call would be scheduled – for example, 6 PM for at least 20 minutes. The Skype would be at bedtime. Side note for Dominants – you need to setup check-ins for yourself as well. Your partner needs to know when s/he can expect to hear from you. Building trust is about consistency; this is NOT a one-way street.

3. Weekly Date Night. Set aside a night each week that’s just about you and your partner. No distractions, no other obligations, just two laptops and quality time.

4. Undies control. I’m a big believer in this for close-distance relationships too. Doms – have a photo catalog of your submissive’s undies on your phone, and pick them out each day. This way you will have control over the fabric touching your most precious possession’s most tender parts each day. Submissives- this is a great way to remind yourself who’s in charge, but also to feel close to your Dominant.

5. Bedtime and wake-up time. If you’re in love, you want that person to be your first and last thought of the day. What better way to do this than sending a picture of you in bed to your Dominant to show you’re obeying his schedule?

~Library for Kinksters.
3 Comments
Why Some Pain Helps Us Feel Pleasure...
Posted:May 25, 2017 6:49 am
Last Updated:May 26, 2017 11:19 pm
840 Views
Why Some Pain Helps Us Feel Pleasure...

The idea that we can achieve happiness by maximizing pleasure and minimizing pain is both intuitive and popular. The truth is, however, very different. Pleasure alone can not make us happy.

Take Christina Onassis, the daughter of shipping tycoon Aristotle Onassis. She inherited wealth beyond imagination and spent it on extravagant pleasures in an attempt to alleviate her unhappiness. She died at 37 and her biography, tellingly subtitled All the Pain Money Can Buy, recounts a life full of mind-boggling extravagance that contributed to her suffering.

Aldous Huxley recognized the possibility that endless pleasure may actually lead to dystopian societies in his 1932 novel Brave New World. Although the idea of endless pleasure seems idyllic, the reality is often very different.

We need the pain to provide a contrast for pleasure; without pain, life becomes dull, boring and downright undesirable. Like a chocoholic in a chocolate shop, we soon forget what it was that made our desires so desirable in the first place.

Emerging evidence suggests that pain may actually enhance the pleasure and happiness we derive from life. As my colleagues and I recently outlined in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Review, pain promotes pleasure and keeps us connected to the world around us.

Pain Builds Pleasure

An excellent example of how pain may enhance pleasure is the experience commonly referred to as “the runners high”. After intense physical exertion, runners experience a sense of euphoria that has been linked to the production of opioids, a neurochemical that is also released in response to pain.

Other work has shown that experiencing relief from pain not only increases our feelings of happiness but also reduces our feelings of sadness. Pain may not be a pleasurable experience itself, but it builds our pleasure in ways that pleasure alone simply cannot achieve.

Pain may also make us feel more justified in rewarding ourselves with pleasant experiences. Just think how many people indulge themselves a little after a trip to the gym.

My colleagues and I tested this possibility by asking people to hold their hand in a bucket of ice-water and then offered them the choice of either a Caramello Koala or a fluorescent highlighter to take with them as a gift.

Participants who did not experience any pain chose the highlighter 74% of the time. But those who had pain only chose it 40% of the time – they were more likely to take the chocolate. Pain, it seems, can make chocolate guilt-free!

Pain Connects Us To Our World

People are constantly seeking new ways to clear their minds and connect with their immediate experiences. Just think of the popularity of mindfulness and meditation exercises, both of which aim to bring us in touch with our direct experience of the world.

There is a good reason to believe pain may be effective in achieving this same goal. Why? Because pain captures our attention.

Imagine dropping a large book on your toe mid conversation. Would you finish the conversation or attend to your toe? Pain drags us into the moment and after pain, we are more alert and attuned to our sensory environment – less caught up in our thoughts about yesterday or tomorrow.

My colleagues and I recently tested whether this effect of pain may also have some benefits. We asked people to eat a Tim Tam chocolate biscuit after holding their hand in a bucket of ice-cold water for as long as they could. We found that people who experienced pain before eating the Tim Tam enjoyed it more than those who did not have pain.

In two follow-up studies, we showed that pain increases the intensity of a range of different tastes and reduces people’s threshold for detecting different flavors. One reason people enjoyed the Tim Tam more after pain was that it actually tasted better – the flavor they experienced was more intense and they were more sensitive to it.

Our findings shed light on why a Gatorade tastes so much better after a long hard run, why a cold beer is more pleasant after a day of hard labor, and why a hot chocolate is more enjoyable after coming in from the cold.

Pain literally brings us in touch with our immediate sensory experience of the world, allowing for the possibility that pleasures can become more pleasant and more intense.

Pain Bond Us With Others

Anyone who has experienced a significant disaster will know that these events bring people together. Consider the 55,000 volunteers who helped clean up after the 2011 Brisbane floods or the sense of community spirit that developed in New York in response to 911.

Painful ceremonies have been used throughout history to create cooperation and cohesion within groups of people. A recent study examining one such ritual – the kavadi in Mauritius – found that participants who experienced pain were more likely to donate money to a community cause, as were those who had simply observed the ceremony. The experience of pain, or simply observing others in pain, made people more generous.

Building on this work, my colleagues and I had people experience pain in groups. Across three studies, again, participants either immersed their hand in ice-water and held a squat position for as long as they could, or ate very hot raw chilies.

We compared these experiences to a no-pain control condition and found pain increased cooperation within the group. After sharing the pain, people felt more bonded together and were also more cooperative in an economic game: they were more likely to take personal risks to benefit the group as a whole.

A Different Side Of Pain

Pain is commonly associated with illness, injury or harm. Often we don’t see pain until it is associated with a problem and in these cases, pain may have few benefits at all. Yet, we also experience pain in a range of common and healthy activities.

Consider the recent ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis) ice-bucket challenge. By dousing ourselves in ice water we were able to raise unprecedented support for a good cause.

Understanding that pain can have a range of positive consequences is not only important for better understanding pain, but may also help us manage pain when it does become a problem. Framing pain as a positive, rather than negative, increases neurochemical responses that help us better manage pain.

(source via I Fucking Love Science)

–-Library for Kinksters.
8 Comments
Subdrop and Aftercare...
Posted:May 24, 2017 9:30 am
Last Updated:May 25, 2017 11:56 am
1110 Views
Subdrop and Aftercare...

I thought I would write a little and provide some useful information about sub drop and aftercare, since I have just had to help a close friend deal with her first experience of sub drop and although she knew what it was, she did not realise that is what she was going through and did not know how to deal with it.

What Is Subdrop?

Subdrop is the emotional and physical symptoms felt by a submissive that is caused by tiring out the body and the release of adrenalin, endorphins, hormones and other chemicals that create a natural high during a scene, leading to a subsequent ‘come down’ afterward, similar to the effects of illicit drugs. It can leave a sub feeling exhausted, depressed, sad and very emotional. This can include feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment and other negative thoughts, but you should realize that this is simply your body’s natural response to a very intense experience, it is not your fault, you have done nothing wrong and you are not to blame.

Subs will often experience sub drop in different ways, some may feel the effects of it more intensely than others and it can last for varying periods of time, anywhere from an hour up to a few weeks afterward, but it is only temporary and will eventually pass. It is important that you learn to recognize sub drop because once you understand that you are feeling the effects of it, you can begin to address it and simply knowing why you are feeling that way will also help, especially when it comes to your emotions and feelings. Try to communicate, interact and stay in contact with your Dom or others, who can help you cope with your emotions and how you are feeling, by offering you support and talking you through it. Following the other advice, I have included below will also help you recover from the effects of sub drop.

For the all the Doms, Dommes, Masters and Mistresses out there, this is just as crucial for You, as it is for Your sub. Subdrop is very real and not some myth, so aftercare and helping Your sub deal with the effects of it should be just as important as what You might do during a scene, especially as You are essentially responsible for Your sub feeling the effects of it and caring for Your sub is part of the responsibility that comes with being a Dominant. Aftercare should not be neglected and staying in contact with Your sub, offering them reassurance, validation and support will help during this vulnerable time and they should not have to go through this alone. Although some subs do prefer time to themselves, You should at least offer and ask what You can do to help, as everyone is different and their needs will vary.

If You do neglect aftercare and ignore sub drop, then the effects can begin to outweigh the benefits and enjoyment that Your sub may feel during a scene with You, which can cause problems for Your relationship with them and even end it. It is also worth pointing out that Dominants and switches can also feel a form of ‘drop’ after a scene, which I won’t address, but You can read more about it in the links I have provided at the end of this article.

So What Is Aftercare?

Aftercare is the name given to the process of being there with a partner for a sufficient amount of time, so they can feel safe, regain their emotional equilibrium and recover from the effects of a scene. It is equally important to recognize that aftercare is for both the Top and bottom, Dominant and submissive. If either person leaves too soon, then their partner may feel abandoned or a loss far exceeding the pleasure they might have felt during the scene.

Aftercare can include practical things such as making sure a sub is physically taken care of, treating any injuries, keeping them warm, allowing them to rest and making sure they have enough to eat or drink. Aftercare should also include attending to the emotional needs of a sub by offering them support, reassurance, and validation. This can include showing them affection by cuddling or holding them, even gentle and loving sex, as well as asking how they are feeling, talking through the scene with them and their experience, answering any questions they might have and giving them a lot of positive reinforcement, such as saying how proud You are of them. This can continue after you have parted ways and for several days afterward, by staying in contact and checking on their recovery.

Although like sub drop, everyone has a different experience and needs when it comes to aftercare, some, for instance, may want to be left alone to process this on their own and there is no right or wrong way, it simply involves doing whatever is necessary to help them recover.

How To Cope With Subdrop

A few ways you can help your body recover and deal with the effects of sub drop include:

ACE which stands for aftercare, contact with your Dominant and expression of positive reinforcement by the Dominant.
Drink plenty of water or a sports drink like Gatorade, which help replace fluids, salts, and potassium in the body that you have lost during a scene.
Eat foods to replenish the nutrients in your body, while you might crave comfort foods and sugary treats, which will not only replace the sugar and energy you have lost, but obviously give you some sense of comfort, the effects will be only temporary and will only leave you craving more, which is not ideal. Instead try to eat whole grain bread, meat, cheese, and vegetables, while avoiding any foods that are white in color, although milk is also very helpful.
Take some vitamins, especially the B-complex group that includes folic acid, vitamin B6, and B12.
Be active and interact with others, even if you do not feel like doing so, as sub drop often leaves a sub feeling ashamed, depressed, isolated, confused and alone, so being by yourself and trying to cope on your own will only make those feelings worse. Even spending time with your pet can be helpful. Most importantly stay in contact with your Dominant and try to talk to them about how you are feeling, so They can help you cope.
Exercise will help release more endorphins, lessening the effects of sub drop, which is partly caused by the release of endorphins during a scene and the subsequent ‘come down’ that occurs afterward.
Try keeping yourself occupied, with a hobby or other activity which will allow you to clear your head or express your feelings.
Aromatherapy, warm baths, meditation and listening to soothing music is also helpful.
Try to stay warm.
Treat and care for any injuries you might have sustained during the scene, such as scratches, bites, welts or sore bottoms. I am not a doctor and I could not possibly hope to cover every potential scenario in this article, but generally applying basic first aid techniques and vitamin E cream will help your skin recover more quickly.
Rest and get plenty of sleep.
Try to get yourself ready for a scene, by getting plenty of sleep, trying to stay focused and preparing yourself before the experience.
Additional Reading

You can find a useful article on the subject of sub drop here. While these are an excellent series of very extensive articles on aftercare and sub drop for submissives, Dominants, switches and also emergency self-administered aftercare.

–-Dominant Life
6 Comments
He Doesn't Want Just Any Submissive...
Posted:May 22, 2017 4:23 am
Last Updated:May 27, 2017 3:42 am
1756 Views
He Doesn’t Want Just Any Submissive...

He wants all of her
Every scar
Every wrinkle
Even the bane to her existence

He knows what she needs
To feel safe
To feel loved
Hence to be worshiped

He would just as soon kneel to her
Not bearing his hand
Not releasing the cane
Not causing any pain

His Dominance is a delicate balance
Mind over matter
Pain versus release
Pleasure that breeds desire

His vision of a submissive does not include
Candy coated chocolate
Fixing something broken
Or finding someone fake

His Dominance lies in the desire
To be the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle
To be her superhero
To be the rock she wants to climb

He can and will
Make her come
Make her squirt
Make her lust for him

A true Dominant seeks more than his own sexual gratification. Therefore, he does not want just any submissive.

~Library for Kinksters...
6 Comments
~Finding Love When You Least Expect It...
Posted:May 21, 2017 3:40 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2017 3:42 am
1944 Views
~Finding Love When You Least Expect It...

People love to tell single people, “You’ll find love when you’re not looking for it”. While this can grate on your nerves, it’s actually true for many us. Why are we more likely to find true love when we aren’t looking? Here are some of the reasons why:

*You’re relaxed. When you’re not actively on the hunt for a new boyfriend/girlfriend you are more relaxed and at ease. You approach social situations with the intention of just having fun, instead of trying to be “on” and impress other people. When you’re more casual and relaxed other people can sense it and are more likely to be drawn to you. We are attracted to people that seem to be at ease, rather than those who seem like they are trying too hard or trying to impress.

*You’re more confident. When you’re looking for romance and not finding it your ego and your confidence can take a major hit. If you’re not looking, then the pressure is off and this can make you more confident in yourself. Other people can sense your confidence and are more attracted to it than they would be if you were feeling down and out, or self-conscious about being single.

*You’re not forcing it. If you’re bound and determined to find a partner it’s easy to get a little overzealous and try too hard to make it work. Sometimes it just isn’t meant to be but we want something so badly that we try and try to make it happen.When you’re not looking for romance you don’t waste your time trying to force it to work with the wrong people. Instead, you’re more available without even realizing it and more ready to meet the right person.

*You’re open. Sometimes looking for romance is like having blinders on. You aren’t interested in talking to people at parties that are already in relationships or aren’t potential partners, so you narrow your focus to only include people who are eligible candidates. You are missing out on making connections and friendships with people who could potentially enrich your life in other ways, or even introduce you to a future partner. When you’re not looking for a partner, you’re more open to talking to anyone and meeting new people. The more people you know, single or not, the greater the chance of you finding that special person in the end.

*You don’t seem desperate. People can sense desperation a mile away and it’s a huge turnoff. If you’re so focused on finding a partner you can easily come on too strong or give off signs of desperation, which scares people away. When you’re not looking you’re relaxed and not trying to make anything happen – you’re just trying to have fun and enjoy yourself. People are way more attracted to someone who is having a fun time with no agenda than they are to someone who is desperately looking for love.

–-Dominant Life
6 Comments

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