Close Please enter your Username and Password

sanita13 46F  
42 posts
4/21/2017 7:42 am
When it Feels Fast


I have had things move “too fast” In this lifestyle. Usually it is a red flag for me:

- A Dom that tells me they intend to own me before we’ve met in person, but usually after some time exchanging messages and most of the time after a phone call.
- Men that tell me they will marry me, collar me, move me into their home and take care of everything. Expecting me to leap at that, before I have spent significant time with them.
- Those that want to start giving me assignments that restrict my interactions with others I am talking to or considering (You know, the dating to find “the one” thing?).

But I can be drawn in. The hope is there that it could be sincere. That hope makes me want to immerse myself in what might be. It is looking at the pictures of a tour of Italy and pricing the ticket. If I can see it happening, and I like what I see, I want to try.

I have rules and filters, though. Safe rules, safe calls, vetting, and lots and lots of questioning.

Typically, from first message to first phone contact would be at least a week.

First meet, depending on distance, can be months.

I need patience. Both from myself, and from someone who wants to meet me. I have a weird schedule, and a need to plan. Even if it is planning to be spontaneous. I have to have contingencies covered. I’m like the GPS on my phone. Rerouting is easy, so long as I know we’re still heading for point B.

OK, so. Something happens, and none of the stop-gaps are triggering.

I know frenzy. If I were talking to a friend on either side of the slash, I’d check for signs of frenzy. I’d try to spot the flags, to look for the golden apples that could be distracting me.

Crap, there are not any golden apples around here.

WTF? I’m pragmatic! Where are the brakes?


To paraphrase something I have written before: ”My --usually VERY vigilant-- pragmatic side is pretty much laying back on the couch with a popsicle, waving at me, and saying ‘Nah. You're good!’”

Ok, so we have our list, our What I want. (referring to the partnership I described as my "Ideal person")

Oh heck! There is someone that not only read that list, but gets it and actually gives it value. They don’t ignore the part about breaking promises. They don’t give me tasks without reward… There’s no thought in the back of my head saying “Did they read that and decide to do the opposite, just because they think they need to be an ass to be a Dom?”

So, it is fast, but inside, in the gut, it is OK.

So, how do they see it? I think I would be more concerned if they did not think it was fast. It is difficult to express that. What worries me is that the fact that it is fast, could be stunning one or both of us enough that we don’t get to go anywhere.

So yeah, there are not any brakes on this particular ride. But if I look over, are they yelling “Whhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!” too?

Then comes the question about whether we throw up our hands or brace ourselves.

OK, take a breath, step back, find footing, stick to first meeting rules, and safe call.

What? Still no brakes?

OK, then maybe, just maybe this is going to be a good ride.

I got my passport about 3 years ago, maybe it is time to book that trip. If it falls through, it is not meant to be.


sanita13 46F  
62 posts
4/21/2017 7:43 am

Written a few months ago. I was just chewing on it for a while


rosaenaluin 58F  
575 posts
4/21/2017 11:07 am

STOP,

First, a socalled 'DOM' gives you time, gives you some insight in their character,
GENUINE DOMINANTS have patience, ánd let you decide the progress!

A GENUINE DOMINANT KNOWS YOU WILL VET HIM, and wil provide with persons to contact, especially * non sm* persons...

all the hot kinky sm/sexplay talk wont tell you if you are safe!! ever!.

There are very good totally fucked up, insanely dangerous men out here, who know very well to play the game, to make you feel safe, comfortable....

You need adress info, car info, Insurance info... work info,
if he is not willing to provide those..... bé very, very carefull!
Then you call it off,
and just keep talking to get that true gut feeling, that he is what he says he is.....

Take someone with you, for the first coffee meet!

no playing at a first meet!!

BEFORE you make any move!

He should be the one, who comes to you, for your safety only.
So he shows you, he is taking YOUR SAFETY serious!

Untill you BOTH have decided that you are willing, accepting him as the dominant, have made the bounderies clear, in wich you want to play...

HE IS JUST A REGULAIR JOHN DOO!

no dominant at all!
you always start as equals!
For crying out loud!!
You are the only one who can garanty your safety!!

Good luck with your journey. i hope this one is sincere.
He wont be the first nor the last who just play with you and your emotions.

BE SAFE!
In a first play/scene, DO not go to a hotel room,
play were other kinkster are, and let it be known that you play for the first time, with this person.
ask them to watch HIM and his actions and you too.

in a first play, do not let yourself be tied up.
in a frist play/scene do not let yourself be gagged
in a first play/scene do not let yourself be blindfolded.

have fun and joy,


sanita13 replies on 4/21/2017 3:35 pm:
Thanks for the comments! First, though, this was not about skipping safety practices,
or those types of guys in the first part. It was not about ones who are "too fast". Rather, just fast.

As I said in the piece, it's just kind of stunning when the part of you that applies brakes to most things is all for screaming "wheeeeeee!"

But I am huge on being responsible for my safety, and the lecture is one i give most newcomers I meet through our local groups. All good.

It was just a little introspection about accelerated doing-everything-right.

Chigirl84 37F
28 posts
4/21/2017 11:25 am

You all described about "moving too fast"..as it happens it applies to the "so-called" Domme too..

@rosaenaluin: Very insightful....wiwsh people of both sexes would heed to your comments. Thank you..


celtdragn 46F  
161 posts
4/21/2017 12:38 pm

Very well expressed. And in the world around us you need to be cautious and be safe. Follow your gut feel and don't settle if it doesn't feel right there is a reason for that. Take what time you need and if a Dom doesn't understand that you are not his priority. It is not a race and taking the time to truly know each other only enhances thing s and makes you feel more safe secure and committed in the long run. Just my humble thoughts.


sanita13 46F  
62 posts
4/21/2017 3:19 pm

    Quoting Hiddendreams63:
    I've had the same thing happen to me. I run real fast when a dom I haven't even met in person insists he owns me.
Ohhhhh, i tend to too. Yeek.


rosaenaluin 58F  
575 posts
4/22/2017 8:34 am

sanita; oeps, sorry i got that wrong... good when all is going right, at the right pace for you, and feels good too...

It really pisses me of, when a total stranger calls me, in the first mail contact; ^sub^.... bla bla bla....
MY profile name is NOT sub.

So to me, that is the first sign that he really has no clue what so over, concerning BDSM protocol... is already lacking on more then 1 level...

Just one other loser again...
or when he in the initial mail starts bragging about being a MASTER... DOM...

domlydomfakepornwathcingfucktart, is what i think of that...

I cant stand all those porn watching vanilla totally fuckup men, thinking that all there is to BE A DOM, is put that abbreviation in their profile...

imposters,
i can and will be very rude to them, suck it up!
i cant handle that gracefully... sorry...

Most of the times i just ignore them... thinking; just one other one...... yawns....

It is very clear to me, when that person is not capable to start a decent conversation with me...

In wich he shows that he actually have read ánd understood! my profile/blogs...

Have a real interest in áll of mé,

He is not worth my attention... simple.
I am not in the mood to waste time on losers.... or just sex d/s players....



Become a member to comment on this blog